one word: firstdatebathroomanal
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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