so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize