Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
