sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize