Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
