I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
