We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
