So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
