And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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