Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
