i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
we're so committed to being not committed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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