I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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