That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
