so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
