my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
