somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
