You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize