dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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