gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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