Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
