i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
