I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
