1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
