Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize