I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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