We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
