I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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