I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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