i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
