just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
