my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
