The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
