You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
