What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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