Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
