Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
