He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
