Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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