He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
