i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pants are for mortals
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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