I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
