I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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