my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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