So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
