No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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