help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
