My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize