The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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