I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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