I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
