Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
