Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
