Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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