Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize