hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
