I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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