I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
