I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
