Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
as a side note pls kill me
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