Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
