i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
