My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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