and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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