my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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